Friday, 17 April 2015

My severe lack of laser beam focus


I like reading blog posts. I know, shocking really! I guess no major surprises there. However I read one recently that really resonated with me. It was by Amber Dusick who is the comic genius behind Illustrated with Crappy Pictures. She posted a link to an old blog, here, all about her lack of focus. I could not stop thinking about this. I even woke up in the night with this statement on my mind.

I have a severe-lack-of-laser-beam-focus. I just can't do it. I like too many things, and all at once. I am your classic Jack of all trades yet master of none. I really like Malcolm Gladwell's books and he talked about needing 10,000 hours practice to become an expert at anything. That's 10 hours a week of something for almost 20 years. Or, should you want to nail it in just 5 years, it's more than 38 hours a week.

On the one hand, that means after being a project manager for 12 years, as I have, I am now an expert. I am pretty good at it actually. But there is nothing else I've been so consistent at, except sleeping and I don't even think I'm that good at that.

I posted on facebook around 3am one day saying I was wide awake listening to my husband sleep, again. Also that at that moment I hate him. Not my nicest moment I have to admit. However, sleep deprived, frustrated and just generally cross&angry does not put me at my best. He's not on fb so had no idea too. But one of my friends, a woman who has been happily married for 20 years told me she was shocked, as we've only been married a year and that we should still be in the honeymoon period. I felt a bit bad then. So there is a little tale to explain how bad I am at sleeping!

I'm not really sure I'm currently painting myself in the best light here. Yet, it's honest and that matters to me. I'll keep being honest on here and sharing what I do badly alongside bits I am proud of.

I'm just like anyone else, I reckon.

There is some good: I get excited easily, I'm willing to have a go at things, I'm interested in almost everything, I love learning, I'm not afraid to fail and I'm a good Mum, an honest and kind person, an avid reader and there would be more. I'm British though and that's enough big-head-ed-ness for one day.

There is also some bad: I hate cooking and am not very good at it unless you like burnt food, I need time alone and can be quite unsociable sometimes, possibly I am too honest and my life might be simpler with a few white lies (see above admission re facebook posts in the middle of the night), I'm often unfocused and I am the messiest person you could ever meet.

I really do mean it about the messy bit. I saw an instagram post from Holly offa Decor8 not so long ago and she had talked about being messy and styling shoots and ignoring corners which are messy. I kid-you-not there were maybe three papers and some tape on a table. Now, I admire Holly a lot, (I actually took her Blogging Your Way course for work last year and thought it was excellent. I would recommend it to anyone - you can see more about her courses here), but we obviously have vastly different definitions of mess. I'm sure that to Holly it was messy. Not to me though.

All this led me to a quite profound thought... As I get older I realise I need to embrace who I am and not try to be someone else.

Thanks for reading,