Saturday, 6 January 2018

I have the January Blues

It's really hard to admit to myself. I'm a fairly confident individual and I usually know my own mind. But it's not working right just now. I'm feeling down and I don't know how to stop it.

Every day I take time to feel grateful, for the weather, for my life, for my friends and family, for my ideas, for my businesses. In fact, there is little in my life I would change, I am very lucky. I feel lucky and I feel grateful. I have time to look after myself and I do so. I light candles to chase the darkness away, I take time for a lovely hot bath. I try and see people as often as I can, I go outside for a walk - even if it's raining. I do all the things you are supposed to do.

I have hobbies, I crochet and this helps me calm down.

But, right now, none of it is working.

I have some sort of virus and feel pretty crappy, its been lingering for a few weeks and almost everyone else at home is sick too. I know deep down that that isn't helping and is probably the root cause of these particular moods. But I can't fix it and I feel frustrated and angry, with myself mostly although I know this is leaking out and I'm cross with those around me.

I have so many plans, and ideas for lovely things to make and do. Ways to improve my own home, ideas for blog posts, plans for amazing pieces of furniture and new collaborations. I wanted to spend January business planning.

Instead, I'm in limbo. I'm moping and time is passing incredibly slowly - which is when I know that things aren't right. Usually I am never bored. I have so many things to do that the days fly by, and this is the way I like it.

This week I gave myself permission to have two days of rest - with no to do list and no jobs to accomplish. I thought the rest would help me kick this lingering cold/virus/ fluey thang - but instead it's made me feel worse.

I'm not sure at all that posting this is the right thing to do, but in the past I have found blogging to be quite cathartic and helpful. Alongside keeping a creative journal. So I plan to press publish on this and then to chuck some paint around in my journal and see what happens.

Fingers crossed, I'll be writing a much happier post shortly.

Thanks for reading - if you made it this far. If you empathise with this - I'm sorry, I don't want people to feel like me, but if you do and it helps to know that you're not alone then I am glad.