Showing posts with label journal page. Show all posts
Showing posts with label journal page. Show all posts

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

The Art of Slow Living



I don't mean the movement about slow living, taking time to be in-the-moment or to linger - which I think is admirable. Sadly I mean living too slowly.

I'm writing to confess something. I used to do lots of stuff. I always had projects on the go, and people often mentioned they were amazed how I got it all done. By projects I mean - learn to crochet, making toys, teach myself woodwork, decorate a house, set up a blog, renovate some furniture, keep a creative journal, make a rug. I looked at Pinterest for ideas and then went off and did stuff. I was one of those people who achieved. I don't really manage to do this anymore.

Back to the Art of Slow Living, in my case; I mean the way time slows down and life becomes slow. I am on maternity leave, It is great but there are some bits that are quite difficult. I don't have to do anything usually, but my days are so full. I don't seem to have any time to do anything. That is what I mean about slowing down. I do less, yet seem to have so much less time. Now I'm not surprised, I've had a baby before and I know how demanding they are and I know this time doesn't last forever but the intensity of the first year has shocked me.

Saying I don't have time to do anything is not really true, I could make time to do some things but I seem to find very few minutes to get anything done. I'm tired, so tired, and that means I do still try to sleep when my baby sleeps. I usually manage one nap a day. This is traditionally the time when all those other mothers rush around, doing things like showering, putting on make up, cleaning skirting boards and all that kind of stuff.

I don't do any of those things. Which makes me feel a bit inadequate.

I have a bath and stay clean, I usually have a bath with my baby though. I manage to eat, not as well as I should as I'm still living off things I can eat straight from the fridge. I have a cleaner thank god, so the house isn't a total write off but it's not tidy and I am a bit of a hurricane who blows through and often creates more mess. I've put on make up maybe three times in the last six weeks (Christmas, New Year and one party).

So what do I do?Aside from not much,  I've been trying to achieve one thing everyday. Something that ideally relates to either making me very happy or my woodworking hobby.



Sometimes it is as simple as that. 

Sometimes I do manage to do something productive; I make something in my scrapbook, I do a necessary or useful job (organise a boiler service, tidy a cupboard, put a picture up), but the thing is, is that I'm frustrated with myself. I want to do so much more. I could write a to do list which lasted many, many pages. But I know there is no point as I'll then feel overwhelmed and overfaced and do none of it. So instead I write two or three things and if I finish them, I delete them and write a couple more. 

I want to blog more - so doing this is a good start, I want to set up an Etsy shop to start selling my handmade shelving. I've signed up to Etsy Resolution, a free online course to guide you through setting up a shop as I don't seem to be getting very far on my own.  

I often set time-based deadlines on myself. I think I need to stop doing this. 

Gosh - could I be any further away from the principals of slow living?  



Occasionally I have good days. Above was the view of my kitchen at 9.46am. Below it's 10.06am. 


That is the one really good side of the time slowing down. I feel like I don't have any but when I'm motivated I can get so much done in twenty minutes. There are days where I look around and wonder at how I've tidied up, put two loads of washing on, done the dishwasher, got dressed, made breakfast and it's only 9am. (If you are reading this and think, well I do that every day, well done you. You are nothing like me. If you are reading this and think, yep - lucky to have had a coffee even by 9am if I'm not at work. Then I feel ya. If you are reading this and think 9am, when not at work, I've never seen such a thing - you are very very lucky.) 

When I manage a productive morning I feel better about myself. I give myself a hard time on the days I don't though. Thinking I am the only one who doesn't manage this kind of productivity every day. I'll be honest - I'm lucky if it's once or twice a week. 

I used to feel like I could achieve anything. I miss that. Now I often feel like I am the only mother not doing it all. 

Luckily I have a great supportive local Mama Tribe. It really does take a village, not to raise the child, but to keep the Mama on an even keel so she can raise the child. It helps to talk to others in the same-ish place, even if they do all iron their sheets and cook lovely meals for their families rather than embrace the ready meal. I see them regularly and it keeps me going. I always feel happier when I have left the house and been somewhere. I go to a lot of playgroups and baby classes and do walk as much as I can. That's my new years resolution to 'walk more'. It's always easier to add something in than to remove it. 

I wanted to write about this as I think it's the side of motherhood that not everyone admits to. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this. I should be grateful for my lovely happy baby, and pleased that I get to spend all day with him, which I am. But I'm allowed to miss alone time and to pine for more time for me and my hobbies. 

I'm trying to be kind to myself. It's my own deadlines that are bothering me, no one else is putting any pressure on me. I keep trying to say it's ok if it takes three months not one week but I'm not that good at it yet. 

I'll keep trying. 


Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Everything will be ok in the end

Sometimes it can be hard to keep going. To pick yourself up from the mistakes. To find the energy to do something.

I'm not that brilliant at always doing things. I often have days when I really need to push myself to not just sit around and stare at my phone and be bored. I have high expectations of myself and that can be part of the problem. I am one of those people who will start the day thinking about what I want to achieve, reflect on what I have done at the end of the day and occasionally feel disappointed in myself that I haven't done enough. I know that is crazy and that I should just be. You know, in-the-moment. Mindful.

I have a busy internal monologue and love talking to myself. Maybe that's one of the reasons I need alone time but can also be fairly sociable.

I'm trying out different sayings I can use to help myself, mantra's if you like.

One of my current favourites is 'Get Shit Done'. I love it, just start. Like writing this post. I didn't feel particularly inspired today, I didn't feel like I had much of value to say but once I started it tends to flow. And then, I get it done.

That, by the way is why I am writing this blog. While I pour out my thoughts on here, I switch off somehow and go to a different place. It's magical.




 
Here is one motto that has helped me tremendously over the last few years. I first heard it on the film, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel by the way and it's "Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, it's not the end'.

Which is such a lovely way to describe fate or karma or just life, however you prefer to call it.
 
I've been thinking a lot about resilience lately, for a few reasons. One I went on some resilience training at work (and wrote a blog about it here if you are interested). And Two as there has been some family stuff going on recently that has really got to me. Nothing dreadful, just part of the normal ups and downs in life.
 
That's part of what I want to show on this blog. That I'm real, and don't live a gilded life. I'm just like you. It's hard to always be upbeat and full of energy and hope and enthusiasm, and it simply is not true. We are all beautifully flawed and perfectly imperfect after all.
 
I do strive to think positively as much as possible and consciously make myself do this, as it works. Life with a positive attitude is, I reckon, 1000% happier than without.
 
When I find it harder to do this, positive sayings help remind me. I wonder if that is why they are so popular on the web, and in particular on Pinterest. If you're struggling, just search some out, say them aloud to yourself and watch life improve.
 


 
And, remember, everything really will be ok in the end.
 
 
 

Friday, 12 June 2015

Sewing Paper

I love to collage and place different images and colours together. It's restful for me and a great way to spend an evening.

Mostly I glue these, but every now and then I get my sewing machine out and sew the papers together and sew them into my journal.

It's very easy to sew paper and I think it looks really good.








 
I mostly use a zigzag stitch as this gives great patterns. I like to leave the threads loose too and that creates some movement.
 
I also have used this technique to make home made cards before. 50 Thank You cards for my wedding gifts was one.
 
Why not try sewing some paper together this weekend?
 
 

Thursday, 7 May 2015

One of the down days

Hello,

I keep a list of things I want to write on this blog to make sure I'm organised and don't repeat myself. But today I just can't make myself write what I'd planned.

I was going to write about myself. Tell you a bit more about me and my life. But I feel down today.

I don't feel positive at all.


I don't even want to smile.


Do you know the Rocky Horror Picture Show, towards the end there is quote from Frank - "Even smiling makes my face ache".

That suits my mood today.

I'm a proper grumpy one aren't I? But I did promise honesty so I felt I should put it out there. Who knows maybe sharing this will change my mood.

Please don't worry, there is nothing wrong with me and I'm not in the blackest of moods. Just a dark blue. I've only been feeling this way for a couple of hours and I'm sure it will pass.

I'm tired too, so maybe that's why.


Saturday, 2 May 2015

My Story Part 2; After the beginning

Hello,

So that's where I was up to. A beginning. A strong idea for a product, a will to make it and only one teeny tiny issue. I had no actual idea how to make it. But, I'm really not the type of person to let that stop me. One of my favourite sayings is Impossible, even the word itself says I'm Possible! I do know that's a bit cheesy, but I love it so.




 
 
So I kept at it. Refining my ideas and the concept. A product that is both beautiful and useful. I'm also trying to work on a name for my idea and that's part of the reason for trying all these concepts out.
 
 

 
 
I am a practical person, eminently practical and I want my products to reflect me, so it has to be useful.
 
I decided to explore a bit of Latin, to see if it sparked anything for a name.  




 
 
Decorus & Prudentia. Not a name, it doesn't really roll off the tongue does it! But, a mission statement, a principle to guide my work. Yes, it's perfect. If I make something it needs to be attractive i.e. decorus and useful i.e. prudential.
 

 

 

 
Do you remember the timing from Part 1.When I started all this I had just landed from Morocco. It was an amazing trip, which will one day, get a whole post dedicated to it. The place raised my spirits and I really was inspired by everything there but the colours in particular made me swoon.

I'd move there tomorrow, btw.


 

 

 



Again, the ideas do come from my stable. So my products need to come from my stable too. The concept is that they travel from my stable to your house, with love.




 
 
I'm taking my time to do this properly. I have a pretty bad habit of completely-rushing-through-things-so-I-can-say-they-are-done. But this, I want to take it slowly. Gently. So a gentler process which leads to gentler products and gentler designs.
 





 
You can see the timeline starting to appear here. After six weeks I had decided on my name for the business as a whole and on the 17th October 2014 I took the plunge and bought www.destabled.co.uk You know that, obviously, as you are here reading. But it was a step for me. A milestone. A promise to myself to deliver on the idea.

 
I love the name destabled. It just works for me. It says all I need it to say. I mentioned before I really do have my ups and downs and that I need to celebrate that, not hide it.

 
 
 I'm excited. I am. It's true. I'm creating something from nothing. I'm starting.





 







I would not be being true to myself if I didn't then put a positive message out into the universe. It's going to work out beautifully.

Thursday, 30 April 2015

Everything will be ok in the end

Hello,

Sometimes, just sometimes my mind runs away with myself.

I love the quote "Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end". I use it as a bit of a mantra when I'm feeling a little down or frustrated because something isn't working out the way I want it to.

So I made this...



 
 
In case you can't quite read it all, it says...
 
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.
Unless you are a bear who can fly. Flying bears are always ok.
 
Bright colours, happy quote and a bear with wings. I love this so much, it always brings a smile to my face.
 
Thanks for reading,
Kirsty

Tuesday, 28 April 2015

I can't draw

Hello,

So many people say this don't they? I think it's something to do with the way art used to be taught, where unless you could do photo-realistic or really good authentic capture of things then you were told you can't draw. It sticks with you at a young age.

I still feel like I can't draw, mostly because what I want to see when I pick up a pen or a pencil never appears. On this note, it's the same for playing pool. I can see where I want to hit the ball and what angle is needed but I can't make my hands do this.

For that reason I rarely draw in my journal. I prefer to write.

But every now and then I feel the urge.

Here's one that actually looks a lot like I wanted it to.


 
 
Thanks for reading,

Kirsty